cancer-slaying gyrl with a boy cut
I have yet to meet a woman who doesn’t keep a healthy stash of hair products in her bathroom. Our cult-like worship of the best leave-in conditioners and newest pomades is serious business. It can provide a good 45-minute conversation among friends or be an icebreaker among strangers. Our hair is our badge of honor, our femininity. Even when it’s technically not ours, it’s still ours and we treat it as such.
As someone who took prodigious care of her curly locks before sacrificing them at the chemo altar, let me go on record and say that nothing, and I mean nothing, makes you feel less feminine than losing your hair. It’s a sad day when you have to push aside all those bottles and jars of styling gold that you previously couldn’t go a day without. You long for the hours you spent fussing over your tresses, because, as with most things in life, you never fully appreciate them until they’re gone.
In an effort to stem the tide of hair-loss depression, I chopped my curls at the start of my treatment in June and donated them to Locks of Love, a nonprofit that provides wigs to financially disadvantaged children. My father, out of pity and concern for his baby gyrl, then bought me a very expensive lace-front wig created with someone else’s donated hair. I guess one good deed begets another.
the former me with long curls
My fabulous new hair had its positive aspects: I fit right in among the thousands of cancer-free women sporting their lace-fronts with pride on the streets of New York. And it had its negatives: The bonding glue repeatedly tore out the little bit of peach fuzz I had, which caused a shiny bald band to form around the perimeter of my head. After several months of daily wear, my $600 wig felt and looked more like a helmet than flawless hair. But, hey, we do what we have to in the name of beauty.
Luckily, I was blessed with good genes, my dad, Joe, often reminds me, and my own hair grew back quickly when the first round of chemo ended in October. “You should thank me, because that comes from my side of the family,” Joe says every time he sees me. For the second time in the last year it seems I owed my hair to my dad.
In January, after months of baldness, I finally fished out my basketful of hair care items from the back of the closet. Ah, my old friends. My newly grown ‘do didn’t require them yet, but the countdown was on. In a matter of weeks, I was reaching for my gel. Finally, last week, the day I have been dreaming of arrived. I got my first haircut post-chemo! And to top it off, my new pixie style—or boy cut as my mom calls it—requires an entirely new set of products that I can boast of during the ubiquitous “what-do-you-put-in-your-hair” conversations I’ll surely be taking part in.
With my products proudly back in rotation, I’m starting to feel like my former self again. Yet, like my new cut, some things have changed. Battling the cancer beast transformed me emotionally, and that caused me to alter my appearance physically. Apparently, this is common among people who live through traumatic experiences. From the depths of your being, a newfound identity manifests itself outwardly. I guess my new hairdo is mine. It’s bold, funky, and strong—a worthy badge of honor that I’ll cherish with a bottle of foaming mousse in one hand and some styling wax in the other.
22 Comments
April 3, 2009 at 5:44 pm
so true about the fellowship of hairproducts. i have a friend who is religious member of naturallycurly.com and they have whole communities dedicated to locks. i wonder if they ever talk about cancer.
the ‘boy cut’ looks fab!
April 3, 2009 at 6:06 pm
I love your new “do.”
Welcome to the pixie-cut/boy-cut club.
April 3, 2009 at 6:11 pm
Chana, you have such a pretty face, I guess should I add, “thanks to Joe”, you can make any style POP! ahhahahaha
April 3, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Love your boy cut…its so gyrlie
!
April 3, 2009 at 6:28 pm
OK, you must forgive me, but that’s just sexy to me. You’re a pretty woman and the hair style works well for you. But I guess I’m bias too, because I’ve always found pretty Black woman with short hair attractive, so there you go.
Keep being you.
April 3, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Jess just forwarded me your blog and I think you are AMAZING on so many levels!!!
I love the new hair and now we can all really…really see that pretty face.
Ps I just got a buzz cut myself and I LOVE it! Long hair is over-rated and short cuts are really the new trend to watch!
God’s speed & WORK IT GURL
April 3, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Maybe it’s just me… but I’ve always found women with short hair more attractive. Could be the confidence, or maybe just seeing someone’s true beauty shine through without worrying about having long hair. I especially like this style on black women. Just beautiful… Shine on sis!!!
April 3, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Aww…I absolutely love it!!
April 3, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Well as I said before Halle WHO? Love the blog; it reminded me of Robin Roberts strutting her stuff down the catwalk at the Isaac Mizrahi show on a dare. I know it takes a lot of confidence to step outside of your comfort zone–Chana you are truly beautiful-not only do you exude confidence, you are courageous. You show us every time you create and share your most personal feelings in your blogs…Keep stomping cancer’s butt!!
April 3, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Looks great on you, Chana!
April 4, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I know I already said this, but you look absolutely FABULOUS!
April 4, 2009 at 5:06 pm
That cut is so hot on you!! Work it!!!
April 6, 2009 at 12:11 am
Lil Magic, I could use a thousand adjectives to describe the absolute funky/gorgeous look you give off with your hair as it is. I did not have the pleasure of knowing you with the long curly tresses, and I must say that when I look at your pictures pre-chemo, you look like a stranger to me(albeit a beautiful one!). That current cut is fierce, as Tyra would say. It’s funny how we(women, that is) are all card-carrying members of the hair-club cult. lol. Whether short, long, fake, or real, we all relish our private moments in the vanity mirror with our cherished products, and the convos with other women as we describe what new $60 product you must buy. Oh the joy of woman-hood. Wouldn’t trade it for anything:-)
April 7, 2009 at 4:08 am
girl I LOVE MY new short hair! And yours looks beautiful too! and i also love your writing style! It has a certain….hmm…swag!!! lol LOVE IT!!!!! Your truly inspiring and talented
April 13, 2009 at 4:10 pm
It’s great you were able to donate your hair. Though you were giving up something that you cherished, you were able to pass it along to someone.
April 13, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I love you chana!!!!
April 23, 2009 at 8:54 pm
gyrl, that boy-cut makes me think i like girls again… oh, wait… nope… it’s hot though!
April 28, 2009 at 9:42 am
i’ve been wearing my hair really short for over 10 years. i tried growing it out and looked a hot mess (my hair is a curly mass which i lovingly refer to as “mixed girl blues…” hahaha…) so i recently chopped it off again. anyway, your hair looks FABULOUS!!! i don’t know you from beans, but hey, continue to be as bold, funky and strong as that new pixie do! godspeed and best wishes…
May 21, 2009 at 3:52 am
You look fab. I found your blog through Google Images. I had been searching for a new hairstyle and I really like yours. I’ll cut mine when I feel daring enough… it might be now or it might be never. I hope it’ll be now
Rock on!
June 4, 2009 at 10:25 am
Chana, I am a 7year breast cancer survivor. I have been wearing the “boy-cut”, or my trophy as I call it, since finishing 6 rounds of chemo and 35 radiation treatments. I was wearing scarfs and wigs in the beginning. One evening while preparing to attend a cancer support function, my 10 year old son said, “Mom, I think you look good with no hair, you look like one of those models.” That was the last day I covered my head. My son gave me the confidence I needed to be naturally me and love it. I’m still natural, no perm or other chemicals. And still CANCER FREE!!
June 4, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Where were you when my young daughter was diagnosed
with cancer in 1987 she fought it for 13 years and
finally passed in April of 2000. she would not take the
medication recommended by her doctor for the fear of losing her beautiful long blonde hair.On her deathbed she said to medaddy I would not be hear today maybe excecpt for my ounvanity.I tried to convince her it broke my heart,.
you go girl and God bless you always
August 11, 2009 at 6:45 pm
I have just come across your website and I’m enjoying each post. This is better then a great book.. makes me laugh, cry, smile, think.. WHEW..too much. I luv this cut, it’s beautiful. Your dad ROCKS.. He provided you with great genes and a whole lot more. I look forward to reading more posts.