this is not how i'm trying to roll.
It’s been a rough two weeks filled with delayed freelancing money, a lot of bickering at home, and a virus-infected computer.
To put it plainly, this Slayer has been stressed. And that isn’t a good thing.
I am a true believer in the mind-body connection, so after I was diagnosed, I made a promise to myself to live a tranquil and peaceful existence. As far as I’m concerned, stress-induced cancer recurrences are real. In fact, two years ago, I experienced one first-hand.
Well, it wasn’t really an occurrence but rather some dormant cancer cells that I believe were triggered into action when my mom was hospitalized.
In 2008, I was finishing up what was supposed to have been my last chemo treatment. When the nurse unplugged me, I was so happy that the entire experience was over that I actually burst into tears. For several weeks prior, my family had been planning a big celebration. And I spent a lot of time congratulating myself on making it through. No more chemo, no more needles, no more planning my life around cancer — or so I believed.
My last session ended on a Thursday. That Friday, my mom was admitted to the intensive care unit at a hospital in Delaware. Needless to say, I headed down there to take care of her. I spent all of my time traveling to and from the hospital, talking to doctors and specialists, and helping moms get through physical rehab.
After a month or so, my mom got better, but then my doctors found some leftover cancer in my abdomen that flared up. There’s little doubt in my mind that it was stress related. I had literally worried myself sick and, as a result, had to resume chemo treatments.
Since then, I’ve adopted an anti-stress regime to prevent it from happening again. It includes yoga, regular deep breathing, and a bottle of gin.
Unfortunately, none of my go-to remedies have been much help over the last two weeks. My morning yoga sessions leave me feeling relaxed until I check my e-mail, which is about every 10 minutes or so. I’ve been having a virtual battle over e-mail recently with one of my employers about contract delays, glitches in the matrix, and invoices. It seem they couldn’t care less that I have bills to pay.
The constant drama has turned my deep breathing into sighs of frustration, and that bottle of gin I mentioned. Well, it’s got a swig or two left, but I don’t have the cash to re-up. Actually, I’ve traded in the booze for green tea, which is a much healthier tonic.
Unfortunately, though, it looks like that stress factor of the last two weeks really has taken its toll. I just received the lab results from my chemo session yesterday, and my CA-125, a blood test that measures cancer in the body, jumped from 87 to 154. Normal is 35 or below.
Until this week, my numbers had been on a nice downward trend, decreasing slowly but surely. And just that quickly they shot up. After making good progress, today I’m feeling like I’ve been running a steady race only to find out that the finish line got moved back a few miles.
But I’m keeping it all in perspective. Not too long ago, my numbers were in the thousands. And I’ve had small increases before. After the last little spike, my doctor, God bless her, told me straight up, “I’m not worried.”
I’m raising a cup of green tea in her honor and hoping that she says the same thing next week.
21 Comments
March 10, 2010 at 1:40 pm
U got it girl!! I’m on my way with a bottle of gin girl!
March 10, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Girl, girl, girl. Don’t make me cry. Hang in there and give those worries to the Lord. Bring them to the alter and leave them there, OK? I’m praying for you. God bless you!
March 10, 2010 at 1:45 pm
As always your not alone. I too had a reoccurance in February. 3rd go round. I’m on Avastin chemo treatment. Wishing you back to good health. Darlene
March 10, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Chana,
I learn so much from you. Keep up the good work.
Like your doctor I’m not worried but do take your own advice and learn to deal with the stress. I chant a lot. It helps with staying calm throughout my day.
You are a rock star.
March 10, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Hey hun, life is insane. It goes up and down. We have to roll with it then count our blessings. I recommend a late winter vacation. Some place with an ocean and sweet drinks with lil umbrellas in them.
When that doesnt work. It feels great just to smack the shit out of someone.
keep bangin
-rush
March 10, 2010 at 2:59 pm
As a 10 year survivor of ovarian cancer, I have learned to walk the walk not just talk the talk. You are still in the learning phase my dear. Close your eyes and listen to the song your body is singing. Really! If you don’t like it or it is out of tune, sing a new one. I learned it with help and I love my new song. Nothing or no one is going to put me out of tune.
March 10, 2010 at 2:37 pm
Keep up the good fight and don’t let’em stress you!
March 10, 2010 at 3:03 pm
love you, Chana. Hang in there and remember that god is always right on time!
March 10, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Chana,
You’re the coolest person I know, and you’ll have to tap into that reserve of cool to keep from being stressed.
Don’t let your health and well-being be determined by money. The bills will get paid. They always do.
I love you sister-friend. I’ll always have your back.
March 10, 2010 at 4:51 pm
Leave that stress behind(I know it’s easier said than done). Nothing is as important as your health and that’s all that you need to focus on.
March 10, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Maryanne and I are sending you love from Santa Cruz. We need some hanging out time with you and our innauguration gang sometime. In the meantime, you always have a place in the sun (when we have it here anyway!) in Santa Cruz if you need to de-stress geographically. XOXO Chris
March 11, 2010 at 11:10 am
Can you rebuke cancer cells through cyberspace? Don’t let me have to roll up on you and hit you with my bible, Chana. That cancer’s going down one way or the other. Keep the faith, Chick.
March 11, 2010 at 11:18 am
don’t those little CA’s know who they’re messing with? dummies. keep rolling…
sarah
March 11, 2010 at 11:44 am
Keep the faith Chana .. you are NOT alone. I’m sending you prayers and love from Philadelphia. Stick with the plan to stay stress-free and keep your mind in the direction that your body will follow. Hey, they don’t call us “survivors” for nothing! This too, my sister, shall pass!
March 11, 2010 at 9:09 pm
Gyrl, you’re not paying attention to your own advice. Yeah it’s tough out here and sometimes you just want to scream, but you can’t stress over what’s out of your control. Along with the yoga, you need a punching bag–something to hit. You got it: a bottle of gin or tequilla on me. Luv ya Chana, so don’t let the bad stuff take over.
March 11, 2010 at 10:21 pm
After going through cancer and chemo, I believe in not sweating the small stuff and I let people know that before they (petty co-workers or just petty people in general) try to bring me down…I’m just not having it!
Stay strong and I know everything will work out fine, Chana! You’re in my prayers…especially because I don’t want you to hurt nobody!!
March 12, 2010 at 2:41 am
Chana,
in the words of the little boy in the Dorito commercial, “Don’t touch my Chana….and don’t touch my Doritos!” Don’t make me jump nobody bout my Shero! lol
You keep doing you. Everything happens for a reason. The silver lining is that you needed those idiots to write another great article….and you are still gonna get paid! Gotta love America! lol
Take care Chana,
Marty
March 12, 2010 at 7:59 am
Hey Chana…hang in there girl, you are a trooper. You have to hand your problems over to the Lord and leave them alone. The Lord will never give you anything more than HE knows you have the power within to bear. I know it must sound somewhat cliche but it is real girl and FAITH is fierce when you believe in it! Let your stress die so you can continue to live, love and be happy lady…you so deserve it!
March 14, 2010 at 3:21 pm
Hi Chana,
Hang in there girl … after all you are a “slayer” of cancer. You are an inspiration to oh so many, including me. Take a tip from a LA guy; get an Enya CD, a pair of birkenstocks & another cup of green tea (… & don’t forget those cruciferous veggies). A common cold can “bounce” a CA125 result, so try not to worry! I am looking forward to reading your fine work for decades to come.
March 17, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Sending you healing thoughts and prayers! From one survivor to another!
March 31, 2010 at 12:56 pm
I told you to come over and play some Rock Band with us. I dare anyone to feel stressed while singing “The Sounds of Silence!” lol